Gratitude Journal Entry #16

 

Tonight, I’m grateful for the life of my Aunt Betty. I’m grateful for her strength as a woman in a family of overbearing men. I’m grateful for her presence in my life as a child, modeling that strength, and understanding and supporting me in ways no one else could.

I’m grateful for her never-ending support of me through my parent’s divorce and my father’s illness. I’m grateful that she understood what my true responsibilities were even when I didn’t…and that she encouraged me to go live my life without guilt or responsibility for them or their actions.

I’m grateful for her honesty and wisdom.

I’m grateful for her earthy sense of humor and common sense.

I’m grateful for her consistency and her devotion to those she loves…even when it was painful.

I will greatly miss not having her as a resource and guide in human form, and I’m grateful that I’m developing the ability to hear her soul even if it no longer resides in a human body.

Thank you Aunt Betty for your life…I’m grateful to have been a small part of it.

Backlash

As the reconstruction continues, a curious thing happens…there’s a backlash.

Some people call this karma, some call it ego resisting change, others call it a test for the lessons just learned…I call it backlash…a law of physics. Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion to be more specific: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (simplified).

As the foundations of my self complete, I now start to build, orient, and reference myself from this new foundation…this new me with updated ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. At this point, the change or shift isn’t really optional…it’s happening no matter what. And, to be honest, I’m greatly relieved, for I’m tired of that old way and am ready for something new.

But.

The people around me may not be.

Hence, the backlash.

I can’t really say that I blame them for being angry…or confused…or upset…or sad…or frustrated. After all, the person they thought they knew isn’t really there any longer. My interests are different…my conversations are different…my reactions are different…how I stand…how I hold space is different…what is acceptable to me…my boundaries are different. I know what is happening and why this is happening, but they don’t. Often, they’re not even consciously aware of what has changed…just that something is different…and they don’t like it.

So, they use the most effective and efficient tools they have to try to get me to revert to the me they knew…the me that is familiar to them…the me that feels safe to them…the predictable me. They use these tools in order to achieve a level of peace they’re used to. These tools, however, are usually some form of anger…passive or direct. I’m grateful that, many years ago, I read the book The Dance of Anger, providing me with understanding as to what’s happening. But…the emerging me is struggling to find the new, effective, and appropriate ways to respond…not only to their anger, but my anger as well…my anger that is triggered from theirs.

After several months of wrestling with this backlash, all while in the midst of my transformation, I’m gifted with a beautiful group meditation involving six other wise, spiritual women. We begin by sharing our revelations from the past week. I share that I’m grateful for the peace that I experience when I turn off my brain. They’re curious about this practice. I struggle to explain it to them. So, we go into meditation to experience it energetically. As I communicate with them, I simultaneously receive and share this message:

When you turn down the brain chatter,

you turn down all the stories

all the beliefs…

all the ego that seeks to run your life.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

the emotional programming cannot activate.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

you are no longer able to

engage with the thought that would trigger the feeling,

which would then lead to the story and a resultant emotion or loop.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

a vacuum is created.

The laws of physics don’t allow a vacuum to exist,

so something new fills it.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

the heart activates,

filling the vacuum,

connecting you to your soul and your wisdom.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

you cannot be triggered…

instead,

you experience life from a place of

Unconditional Love,

Clarity,

Non-reactivity.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

you become the teacher…no longer the student.

When you turn down the brain chatter,

you receive the gift of backlash…

Peace.

Gratitude Journal Entry #15

To the most amazing senior class I’ve ever had the pleasure to know: Thank you.

Thank you for your unwavering dedication and commitment to excellence every single day of your high school career.

Thank you for your default setting of kindness, thoughtful communication, and humble leadership.

Thank you for setting examples…not in never making mistakes, but in how you handled the consequences.

Thank you for your hearts…for sharing your genuine spirits that resulted in others following your example.

Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives for four years and for exploding my heart into a million pieces in order to feel all the emotions I felt today.

Thank you for the tear-producing laughter, the thought-provoking conversations, the exquisite writing and life-changing research.

Thank you for being the kind of people who, simply by being who you are, will change the world.

Congratulations Class of 2012…I’m grateful for you.

Gratitude Journal Entry #14

Index

Tonight, I’m grateful for inspiration. I’m grateful for connection with mentors over the telephone. I’m grateful for the potential for a fabulous summer project, and the massive forward direction it took today.

I’m grateful for all the interesting people I learn about when I catalog biographies and read obituaries…to all of them, thank you for being you and for the contributions you’ve made, even if I don’t agree with you or like you very much.

I’m grateful for the discovery of a beautiful nursery near my house. I’m grateful for the new plants that are now beautifying my living space.

I’m grateful for a lovely dinner with the senior class. I’m grateful for the time to conclude an amazing school year and speak thoughtful and sincere closure to one another.

I’m grateful for dreams that become reality.

I’m grateful for angels in disguise.

I’m grateful for mysteries.

I’m grateful for celebrations.

I’m grateful for love.

Gratitude Journal Entry #13

Wisteria at the Vyne

I’m grateful that my efforts in managing my energy are paying off…even though there’s only one more week of school left, I’m more balanced and relaxed than at any other time during the school year.Tonight, I’m grateful for a smooth day. I’m grateful that I didn’t allow anything to rile me up, and I was able to maintain a happy spirit even in the face of foolishness.

I’m grateful for my hummingbird friend who visited my office today.

I’m grateful for surprise visits from friends. I’m grateful for snort-filled laughter that is inevitable with friends. 

I’m grateful for locally grown strawberries and cherries that were my dinner tonight.

I’m grateful for walks in the sunshine.

I’m grateful for beautiful flowers…deep, velvet wine dahlias, pink lilacs, white honeysuckle, pink starburst lilies, variegated sweet peas, coral roses and tulips, fluffy, yellow sunflowers, dripping lavender wisteria, bright orange ranunculus, streaked iris, multi-colored fuchsia, and fire-red orchids.

I’m grateful for hugs.

I’m grateful for friends.

I’m grateful for the unexpected.

I’m grateful for soulmates.

I’m grateful for life.

I’m grateful for love.

Gratitude Journal Entry #12

 

Tonight, I’m grateful for a hot, summer day. I’m grateful for a moment to drink tea under a blooming Jacaranda tree during my work day.

I’m grateful for chats with my students, and the laughter they inspire in me. I’m grateful there’s a bathroom on campus without horrid smelling air-freshener. I’m grateful for time at the Reference Desk to read magazines and journals.

I’m grateful for the potentials for summer travel.

I’m grateful for the spontaneous inspiration to remake a purchased skirt. I’m grateful it only took an hour.

I’m grateful for an exhilarating walk on the beach during high winds and fabulous waves.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to drive students to a dinner and get to know them a bit better. I’m grateful for the restaurant’s generous accommodation for my dietary needs.

I’m grateful for anticipation.

I’m grateful for surprises.

I’m grateful for nature.

I’m grateful for connection.

I’m grateful for love.

Gratitude Journal Entry #11

ranuncula

Tonight, I’m grateful for the warm, cheerful sun that kept me company in my office for most of the morning. I’m grateful that it nurtures my office plants so that they keep growing and blooming. I’m grateful for the zen-like process of mending books…allowing my mind to shut off and just let me Be.

I’m grateful for the fun, newly painted garden pots that inspired me to rearrange my balcony garden. I’m grateful for the feel of dirt, and the amazement for the nurturing food it provides for the plants. I’m grateful for the generosity of friends in sharing clippings from their gardens. I’m grateful for all the pretty flowering plants that are now filling my pots and hanging around my balcony…beginning to feel like a space I want to experience regularly.

I’m grateful for the increasing urge to throw things away and get rid of a gob of physical things I no longer need.

I’m grateful for a rejuvenating time with soul sisters.

I’m grateful for those who share out of their abundance, timed perfectly to the moment when I need what they have to share.

I’m grateful for increased physical energy.

I’m grateful for sassiness.

I‘m grateful for laughter.

I’m grateful for non-reactivity.

I’m grateful for compassion.

I’m grateful for love.

Gratitude Journal Entry #10

Cherry

Today, I’m grateful for cherries and goat cheese from the farmer’s market. I’m grateful for the magnificent magenta and white fuchsia tree that now beautifies a corner of my balcony garden. I’m grateful for freshly juiced wheat grass and locally made yummy olive oil. 

I’m grateful that I know how to change a tire. I’m grateful that, even though the spare was also flat, the tire shop is only a block from my house. I’m grateful that even after fixing the tires and the car still wouldn’t drive properly, the repair garage was only two blocks away. I’m grateful that the repair garage didn’t have a large number of cars ahead of mine. I’m grateful for the generous loaning of a car by a neighbor so I could get to work at night. I’m grateful for the generosity of co-workers giving me rides to and from work during the day. I’m grateful that my car is now fixed and back at home. I’m grateful that I had plenty of money with which to pay for the repairs.

I’m grateful for a candle-lit shower to finish the week. I’m grateful for essential oils and body oil after the shower. I’m grateful for my wonderful mattress and the sound of the ocean through my bedroom window. I’m grateful for a snuggly kitty keeping me warm on a foggy night. I’m grateful for the yummy incense a dear friend shares with me.

I’m grateful for fresh laundry. I’m grateful for empty trash and recycle bins. I’m grateful for vacuumed and mopped floors. I’m grateful for full kitchen cupboards and water containers.

I’m grateful for community.

I’m grateful for grace.

I’m grateful for compassion.

I’m grateful for love.

%d bloggers like this: