Yes!

 

I recently posted a status update on Facebook describing my gratitude for the blessings flowing to me as a result of saying, “Yes!” One of my friends’ reply indicated that she suspected I had been proposed to and was now getting married. I chuckled at the time, realizing I’d never considered that thought when posting the status…and that her reaction was a bit extreme. 

Now, a month later, I realize that she wasn’t so far off the mark. Not in the engagement-to-be-married bit, but certainly in the extremely-important-response bit. It was and is a big deal. Saying, “Yes!” for me, is extreme and significant.

Saying, “Yes!” is a terrifying experience for me. It means I’ve committed to something. And, perhaps, there might be a moment in the very near future when I realize I don’t want to be committed. It means that perhaps, I’ve just stepped into a situation that has no way out…no escape…no options. It means I might be trapped. Then the panic sets in and I want to run and hide. 

Saying, “Yes!” also means accountability. That means that I might really mess it up…or not do a good enough job…or fail utterly and completely. It means that someone is going to notice and possibly criticize. It also means that others might depend on me and my results and if I completely muck it up, I could really hurt someone or let someone down. The greater the number of people potentially affected by the agreement, the harder it is for me to say, “Yes!”

Saying, “Yes!” also means that I have to do something. Effort has to be made on my part or else I absolutely will fail. And sometimes, I’m just so tired. Sometimes I just don’t want to see people. Sometimes I just don’t want to leave my house. Sometimes, I just want to take a nap. And, if I’ve said, “Yes!” that means that it doesn’t matter if I’m tired, or don’t want to see people, or don’t want to leave my house, or that I want to take a nap. Saying, “Yes!” means that I have to do something even if it’s the very very last thing I want to do in that moment. 

Saying, “Yes!” also means that if other people are involved in the “Yes!” project, I lose control. The more people involved in the “Yes!” project, the less control I have. This means that I run the risk of not only failing, but failing because someone else has mucked up…and that’s worse than failing all on my own.

So, for me, saying “Yes!” is a very very very big deal. It’s so much easier for me to say “No!” and walk away. But, then there’s the inevitable let-down of disconnect with the aftermath of “No!” And, at some point, my desire and craving for connection and intimacy requires that I say “Yes!” and the fears are confronted yet again.

This time, though, saying, “Yes!” was different. This time, “Yes!” was out of my control from the beginning. This time, the “Yes!” project, that involved many people, originated from my mouth…the words just flew out before my brain even knew words were coming. I found myself volunteering and agreeing to something that I hadn’t yet mentally comprehended. Panic definitely set in and it took a couple of days for me to remember similar experiences in my past…experiences that taught me that such moments are indications that The Universe is in control and I just need to flow along. 

I did.

Blessings abundant.

Gratitude.

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2 Comments

  1. In Blue said,

    Thursday, February 9th, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Passing on the love with a nomination for the versatile blogger award….love your sweet blog….nice to stop by…
    http://makebelieveboutique.com/2012/02/08/versatile-blogger/

    • Seraphina said,

      Friday, February 10th, 2012 at 9:03 am

      I truly am overwhelmed by your kind and generous words. Wishing you abundance.


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